Monday, 8 May 2017

Tips On How To Deal With Bad Behaviour

How many time's do I need to tell you!! This is something I'm having to say more and more now a days and it's really grating on me. My son has lately started speaking and treating me differently I'm getting the 'I hate you' on a daily basis, I've no idea what I have done wrong some days. I have been trying to find different ways to discipline this new behaviour but it is so hard to find the right balance and what is appropriate for his age. Obviously I can't just leave it as I don't want him to think that it's acceptable to treat people this way. I have spoken to teachers at his school who say that he is as good as gold at school, great but not so great when it makes me feel like I'm doing something is wrong at home.

Below is a few things we have tried, some have worked better than others.

Shouting doesn't work. When does shouting ever work? We have now started to talk with Jared-David, asking him why he has done what ever it is he has done. This works to an extent for example when he is throwing the odd coco pop onto the floor I ask him why is he doing that? he will then say he doesn't no why or because he is bored. I then explain that it's nice to do that and it causes a mess that he will have to pick up. This usually works fine and doesn't result in any sort of an argument which is great. I've found that if Jared-David is in a bad mood and feeling grumpy, talking doesn't work so well as he will just shout and scream and it gets us nowhere which brings me onto the next one.

Time Out
When he was younger this never worked and time out would drag out for hours and hours. I think now that he is a bit older and has the capacity to reflect a little about his behaviour time out is working. When the shouting, screaming and tantrum starts then he is sent to time out to calm down and to have a think. The time he spends in time out is up to him and he knows that, I will not set a time as I don't know how long it will take him to calm and feel ready to come and have a chat with me about his actions that got him sent there.

Behaviour Chart
We have recently stopped using the chart but there were big benefits from it and also some negatives. On our chart we tackled certain areas which needed to improve, bed time and tea time mainly. We agreed that if there was a 12 or more stars in one week then he would get a reward just something small like a magazine. This worked for a while but then it got to a point where when we were shopping or went somewhere he would ask for something because he had been good that day I would then explain about the chart and that we don't get rewards everyday, this then caused tantrums. As the chart had served it's purpose for improving his behaviour in certain areas we decided to stop using it.

Speak To Others
My son is no angel that I know. However I also knew that some of his new behaviours had been seen and picked up from other children, it's just a part of life I guess. Jared-David had started saying swear words that neither Liam or myself use so I knew it was time to talk to his teachers. When I spoke to his teacher I also explained about other things he had started doing at home an the manner in which he had started speaking to me. His teacher has been great and dealt with the swearing issue and has also been teaching all children not just mine about how to speak with people. I think as parents we often try and deal with it all ourselves which is fine but sometimes speaking with a teacher, childminder or even health visitor can work wonders.

Children are such hard work and often test us but sometimes it can be due to us not understanding. We often forget that they don't know how to act in certain situations and don't know how to appropriately react to their emotions. They are still learning and although they we might sometimes struggle and feel like there is nothing we can do, just remember you are not the only parent going through this and there is help available if you need it. Asking for help isn't a way of saying you are rubbish it shows that you care and want to find the best way possible. 

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