I'm now 15 weeks pregnant and my hormones are turning me into a crazy bitch. It doesn't help that my car has broke yet again (thanks Renault for building trust worthy cars) my son was ill and I had noway of getting to work, which is my safe place. When I'm at work I don't have a thousand things to worry about or an endless amount of chores that need doing whilst trying to sort out a toddler throwing a wobbler over his sandwich being cut into triangles and not squares. I've come to the conclusion that this is the most stressful and hormonal pregnancy I've had!!
This week has been very hard for me and next week will be as equally hard, when I had my two late miscarriages they were at 16 and 17 weeks so as you can imagine every twinge and every ache makes me panic. I won't lie I've found it really hard to just keep calm and to relax I have been awful to everyone around me but when people say things like "If it's going to happen then it's going to happen" and "Just relax it will make you feel better" well I'm sorry but shut up. I do not want to hear that I need to relax or that if it's going to happen then I have no control, I know I have no control but do you really think telling someone who has been through miscarriage three times and had a prem baby is really going to help them feel better.
So this week I have felt better sickness wise but something else is now going on!! I'm not sure what it is but I keep going dizzy, feeling weak with waves of sickness and struggle to keep myself from passing out. So far I haven't passed out. When these funny spells happen I have just sat down got some food and sometimes had a nap, this seems to make me feel a whole lot better I just wish I knew why this was happening. My belly is bigger (surprise surprise) however I did forget to measure it this week so it will be next Wednesday that I see how much bigger it has got. I see my midwife on Monday and go for a cervical scan on Tuesday (excited for that, not!) I have a strong feeling that I will need the cervical stitch and I'm nervous as hell about that. I'm still waiting for a proper craving to kick in all I really seem to want a lot of is chicken mayonnaise.
Tonight I am making a list of everything baby related that we need and pricing it up I think I may share that in a later post. If you can think of any baby items you had that you couldn't live without let me know by leaving a comment.