Friday, 1 February 2019

An Open Letter To My Bio Dad

Dear Bio Dad,

I have always had so many things I've wanted to ask and say but I never knew how or when? so I have chosen to write this. You may read this or maybe you won't but either way I need to get it out there.

When I was a kid I always wondered why I didn't have a dad, everyone else had one so why didn't I? I was told several things by several different people, I was born out of wed-lock and you and your family frowned upon this, another was that you had a wife who didn't want me in your life. Basically everything I was ever told was negative, but I didn't have an answer and didn't want to believe my dad didn't want me. Who does?
Around the time of all these questions and dozens of replies from others, one being a friend of yours called Paul. You came to visit me in Chaddleworth, I remember you taking me to the park I can't say how old I was nor what we spoke about but I have always remembered that day. Now that I'm older I realise that that day was cruel, because after that I never saw you again and never even spoke to you.

As a child and also a teen I was an awful child and I'm not blaming you not being around on this but it really didn't help. I had and still have a picture of you it was literally all I had and my mum gave me it and said it was up to me if I wanted to keep it or not. My upbringing wasn't the worst but it could of been better, before my step-dad (Dad) came along it was just me and mum. She tried her best but she was young and I often felt unwanted by her as well and I hated her for a long time but she did what she could and even went hungry to make sure she could afford to buy me food.

You may not remember the taking me to the park but I'm sure you can remember the times that we did meet up when I was 19. I can't begin to explain how happy I was that I had got back in contact with and to of found out that I had two brothers, when we met up it was great and thought maybe we could have some sort of relationship and we did for a while until you and your wife split up. So one of my question's is did you only meet up with me because of your wife? or did you actually want to know me?
Of course you will remember that at the time I was married and living in Germany, but you do not know the reason's why I married him or why I ended up escaping from him. I was afraid to tell you anything in case it scared you away. I guess something did somewhere?

I'm now a mum to two amazing kids and it wasn't until I had my son that I started to think of you in a different way. I sent you a message about my son when he was fighting for his life in hospital and you gave me a flippant reply. The only person in your family who has ever taken an interest in us is your sister who is a lovely woman and clearly has a heart of gold. That brings me on to another question that maybe you can't answer, why does your Dad refuse to acknowledge my existence? further more my sons! When we were at your sister's one time your parents came round and Jared stood there saying hi to your Dad and he ignored him it broke my heart. We never asked for this? I never asked for this?

I don't know if you think I only ever got in contact for money or presents or something but I will assure you that I never wanted anything other than the respect that I deserve. I won't lie though I had thought about seeing if there was someway I could sue you for emotional distress all my life, the DNA test I had to do as a teenager wasn't exactly easy for me. I can't say I hate you but I'm confused by you. Do you ever class me as being your daughter? do you ever wonder if I would be worth getting to know properly? Would you not just want one conversation alone with me to just air this all out?

There is a lot more I could ask as obviously one question leads to more but maybe that will be for another letter another day.


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